Me: Sup Sloppytits!
Her: Excuse me?
Me: I'm sorry.  Wrong IM.  That was totally meant for someone else.
Her: Ok.  LOL

It was a lie.  You were the one with sloppy tits all along.

The following is an artist's rendering of my ass after riding in a packed subway car every morning.  WARNING: Not for those with weak stomachs.

19 Years Ago Today Andre The Giant Died. I still remember hearing this news as a child and being positively heartbroken.  If it wasn't enough that I loved him in the (then) WWF, I also love The Princess Bride to no end.  He was truly a giant among men. RIP Andre.

I am incredibly irritated by sports paraphernalia that is not in the team's chosen colors.  I'm happy that you love the color pink AND the Yankees, but these are not two tastes that taste great together.  As far as I'm concerned, if you own a hat or jersey that is not in your team's actual colors, you are not a true fan.

It's over.  Please people...let it die.

You know...to party with.

Dear Whoever Stole My Godfather Trilogy DVD Set 7 Years Ago,

I finally got around to re-purchasing it.  I hope you've been enjoying being able to watch the tale of the Corleone family at your leisure over the past seven years.  There were many nights when I wanted to watch these cinematic treasures, and you stole that power from me. I wish you the best, my worthy adversary, but know this; if I ever find out who you are I'm going to break your fucking knee caps, tear off your skin, rip out your heart and hold it in front of your face so you can watch it stop beating before you die.

Love,

Don Levin

How I look...

How I feel...